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Are You in an Abusive Situation? - by Colin Gabriel Hatcher & Randall Beers


An abusive relationship is a non-consensual relationship where you are forced against your will to comply with another`s demands and expectations, to the detriment of your health, happiness, confidence and well-being. You may comply because you are afraid of the consequences of refusing to comply (violence, insults, rejection, abandonment), or because you feel you have no other choices.

There are many levels of abuse involving some or all of the many symptoms listed below. A lot of abuse is so low level and has been going on for so long that you may not even realize that you are IN an abusive situation. On the other hand some of the symptoms below considered on their own might not be abusive at all, being the result of discussion, consent and agreement between you and your significant other (for example, many couples freely and happily agree that one of them will handle all the money, because the other does not want to).

Remember, abusive behavior is behavior towards you that either you did not freely consent to and which causes you harm. Remember also that abuse is not gender or age specific - both men and women can be abusers or abused, and children can be abusive towards their parents, or abused by their parents.

Read through the lists below and reflect on your own relationship.

Is your significant other:

Using Emotional Abuse

Putting you down

Making you feel bad about yourself

Calling you names

Making you think you`re crazy

Playing mind games

Humiliating you

Treating you like a child

Making you feel guilty

Constant criticism of your appearance

Using Controlling Behavior

Treating you like a servant

Making all the big decisions

Being the one to define roles

Making you unimportant

Punishment for not "obeying"

Ordering you around

Losing their temper if questioned or challenged

Requiring that you agree

Making you account for every minute when you are away from them

Using Economic Abuse

Preventing you from getting a job

Making you ask for money

Giving you an allowance

Taking your money

Secretive about income

Making you account for every penny spent

Using Coercion and Threats

Making or carrying out threats

Threatening to leave, to commit suicide, to report you to welfare

Making you drop charges

Making you do illegal things

Using Isolation

Controlling what you do, who you see and talk to, what you read, &

where you go

Limiting your outside involvement

Using jealousy to justify actions

Destroying your support system

Alienating you from your family

Accusing you of having affairs, which leads to you being afraid to

develop friendships

Being rude or hostile to your friends

Keeping you in solitary confinement

Sensory deprivation, for example blindfolding or keeping you in the


Using Children

Making you feel guilty about the children

Using the children to relay hostile messages

Using visitation to harass you

Threatening to take the children

Threatening to hurt you through them

Blaming you for any problems the children are having

Hurting the children in front of you

Punishing the children for something you did

Using Intimidation

Making you afraid (looks, gestures, actions)

Smashing things

Abusing Pets

Displaying Weapons

Threatening to expose your "weakness"

Threatening to "tell"

Minimizing, Denying, Blaming

Making light of the abuse and not taking your concerns about it


Saying the abuse didn`t happen

Shifting responsibility for abusive behavior

Claiming it was an accident

Hurting you while pretending it is just a game

Using Violence

Slapping, punching or kicking you

Pushing, shaking, squeezing, or hair pulling

Tying you up, restraining you

Hurting you with weapons (including belts, a chair, electrical cords


Burning or cutting you


Englishman Colin Gabriel Hatcher, a Silicon Valley California attorney and lifelong volunteer youth worker, is the innovative mastermind behind SafetyEd International With 21 years experience in education, 12 years experience as a Martial Arts Instructor (he holds 5 black belts), 11 years of computer experience, and over 7 years working in internet related safety, child protection and child advocacy, Colin is an accomplished expert researcher and writer in the internet field, as well as being an expert in internet and cyberspace law.

Safety Ed International You can contact Colin by email at

Free Tips For Your Child`s Success - by Mr. Frank W. Thatcher Jr.


Getting free tips for a child`s success is something most parents/guardians are interested in. Most want their child`s academic growth to improve every school year. Most sincerely care. Unfortunately some don`t, but that`s a completely different article. For now, I want to focus on improving the reading abilities of our children immediately.

This summer is flying by and soon our children will be back in the classroom with the eager teachers and their fellow classmates. My concern as an educator, with over twenty years of invaluable experience, is the loss of reading and comprehension skills over the summer months simply due to lack of reading. Children need to read in order to keep up their skills. They must read on a consistent basis to not only maintain but to also improve their skills. Just as any skill or talent, if it isn`t used, it will slowly diminish. Do we really need our children`s reading abilities to begin to waste away as they enjoy the summer months? I don`t think so. Our society can`t afford this to happen either.

I frequently compare reading skills to that of a runner`s skills. A person that wishes to maintain or improve his or her running ability must run almost on a daily basis. What takes much time and effort to achieve however, can be very quickly lost if that runner takes some time off. Basically, to maintain the skills, the runner needs to run on a consistent basis. This is exactly what we are looking to achieve with our children and their reading skills. We want them to maintain and even improve their skills. This can be accomplished by reading consistently. Perhaps not every day, but consistently.

OK, now I have opened up a very large can of worms, haven`t I? Don`t get discouraged. Many questions do arise, all of which can be answered. Questions such as: How much time should my child spend reading? How many days a week? What should my child read? The most frequent question: What can I do to get my child to sit and read when he or she can be rather resistant to the idea? Contact me at and I will respond.

There are no quick easy answers. Below I have suggested materials and for the purpose of this article I will tell you this much, all strategies depend on many different factors specific to your child`s needs. I can and will give you needed suggestions and FREE advice on these matters by email. Contact me at and I will make every effort to help you out. Some suggested materials: Hooked on Phonics at and/or Homebound downloadable coloring and story books for kindergarten and primary (4-8 years) at Both are excellent resources. As I said, so much depends on your individual child and his or her personal characteristics, levels, abilities, and needs. Contact me for support!

Frank Thatcher is an experienced educator specializing in many areas such as behavior modifications, emotional challenges, and parenting skills. He has assisted many in setting goals and experiencing success. For FREE advice relating to your needs contact Mr. Thatcher at Visit for great resources!

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