Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When You`re Staying Married Only
For Your Children - By Karl Augustine
All children are different and respond differently to divorce. Depending
on the characteristics of the children - age, emotional maturity, happiness, resiliency
to trauma - the easier or more difficult it will be for children to weather a divorce.
As a parent, you should know your children better than anyone use your best judgment
with your children during considering divorce. This "divorce and children" article
is for parents who are certain that they would get a divorce if they didn`t have
children and want to decide what to think about regarding the effects a divorce
would have on their children.
Children of divorced parents can actually live wonderful lives as long as the
parents use proper judgment and create the right types of interactions between themselves
and with each other.
This article on this web page does not suggest that divorce is the correct course
of action for you and it in no way should be taken as a form of counseling to you.
This article is merely to spark you to think logically and then make your own decision
about divorce and your children.
As previously stated, every child is different and subsequently, every child
responds to divorce in a different way.
If you think there`s a definitive answer about how divorce affects children,
you are mistaken. There`s been hundreds of books written about this subject and
a plethora of studies done regarding divorce and children, all citing differing
opinions and using different statistical constraints and inputs. But, statistics
can only go so far if you know your children better than anyone else, you will know
best how they`ll be affected by a divorce.
How divorce affects children and what you should do if you`re staying married
solely because you have children is complicated issue.
Here`s some things you may want to consider if you`re a parent who is staying
married just because you have children:
Children and divorce consideration 1: Make sure that you are, in fact,
only staying married just because you have children.
Often times people use the children as an excuse not to get a divorce because
they aren`t really sure that they want a divorce or have some other fear regarding
divorce. Those fears can be present due to finance, self-confidence, living arrangements,
or other personal issues.
Before you really take the next steps in deciding whether or not to get a divorce
because of your children, rank your reasons for divorce and make sure that you`re
really certain you`d get a divorce if you didn`t have children.
Children and divorce consideration 2: Make sure `guilt` isn`t the real
reason that you aren`t getting a divorce.
The `guilt` referenced above is the guilt brought on by thinking that your divorce
will hurt your children. In and of itself, this feeling of guilt is a selfish one
if you haven`t really examined carefully if a divorce will have an adverse effect
on your children. If you aren`t getting divorced because of guilt in this regard,
but you still have an unhappy marriage that is affecting your children, then you
aren`t really staying married for them, you`re staying married for you because you
feel guilty this is selfish.
Children and divorce consideration 3: Once you`ve clearly defined that
you are in fact, not getting a divorce solely because you have children, examine
why you think divorce will adversely affect your children.
Remember, divorce can have a negative effect on children initially, but that
doesn`t necessarily mean that a divorce will be a negative influence on your children
Decide whether or not your children have the resiliency, the intelligence, the
emotional health, and the support they`d need to mitigate the adverse effects that
a divorce would have on them. Will they be happy after the initial shock of the
divorce is worked through?
Children and divorce consideration 4: Once you`ve really defined what
you believe to be negative effects on your children due to divorce, think about
what your children`s life will be like in the immediate and distant future if you
do actually go through with the divorce.
Ask yourself, "Can I create and maintain a healthy environment for my children
if I do get a divorce?"
One thing that is a critical factor in this decision is the feasibility of you
and your spouse getting a divorce amicably. If you and your spouse can go through
a divorce amicably, and you both can agree to always put your children`s welfare
above your own, you will be one step ahead.
Again, make sure you are certain a divorce is necessary to create the right type
of environment for your children. Assure that there is absolutely no way you can
rekindle your marriage.
Usually, divorce represents the first real trauma of a child`s life. Keep this
in mind when your making your divorce decision.
Divorce is a serious step and nothing should be done until your`re certain that
divorce is the best course of action. Getting a divorce without making sure that
divorce is the right thing is selfish on your part and is the wrong thing to do
to your children after all, they deserve your best effort!
One thing should remain constant that you and your spouse will always be there
for your children, no matter what.
Karl Augustine "A Practical Guide To Deciding Whether Or Not To Get A Divorce"
An eBook recommended by marriage counselors and relationship coaches to their clients.
Deciding on Divorce
Face Reading and Adoptions - By Naomi Tickle and Emily Bouchard
Making the decision to adopt is a huge undertaking. The whole focus is
to bring a child into your family to love as your own. Problem is, the child you
adopt has a set of birth parents out there who are linked with the child from the
moment of conception.
Much has been discussed about the role birth parents play in the lives of adopted
children. Conventional wisdom has swung from once believing in complete denial of
the birth family to open adoptions with even mandated visits with birth family.
The prevailing mood of the times seems to dictate what is best in the best interest
of the child.
We want to offer a fresh perspective that looks at the contribution of the birth
family to the life of the child in a new way. Introducing the art and science of
What is Face Reading?
In the 1930?s, Los Angeles judge Edward Jones observed the behavioral patterns
of the people who appeared before him in court. He became so fascinated by his observations
that he dropped his judicial work and researched the field using works that were
published by Lavater and other notable authors on the subject.
Using established scientific principles, Jones looked at 200 different facial
features and later narrowed the number down to 68. His research had 92% accuracy
for personality profiling. Thanks to Judge Jones, the ?new? physiognomy became the
modern day scientific approach to reading faces.
In addition to the practical uses of face reading, further studies were conducted
in San Quentin Prison during the 1940?s. Warden Clinton Duffy stated at the time,
?Many of our men here have been helped immeasurably by your staff. It is my hope
that in the future we can broaden the scope of this great work.? George H. Cantrell
noted, ?As a psychologist, having spent many years in vocational counseling, we
now accomplish in hours better results than we would in days before practicing the
principles taught by Jones and his staff.?
Jones? contribution to the understanding of human nature, as it is revealed in
the face, took physiognomy to a new level of acceptance, credibility, understanding
and application. He applied the new physiognomy for jury selection, personal development,
improving relationships, understanding children, sales and career assessments.
To many, reading faces may sound outlandish. But there is real scientific evidence
to support the accuracy of these observations. One cannot ignore confirmation that
is staring us in the face (no pun intended). Besides, we all read faces anyway and
make snap judgments based on how people look. The face is full of information. Why
pretend it doesn?t exist? Are we afraid of what will be seen?
Face reading is just another tool that will help us to better understand ourselves
and to be more conscious of our communications and interaction with others. It helps
us to understand others so that we can learn to listen rather than react or make
Does Face Reading Apply to Other Cultures?
Yes, the major differences would be the flair of the nostrils, protruding lips
and wide-set eyes. According to optometrists the spacing between the eyes of people
with Asian and African heritage tends to be ten percent wider than in the Western
world. These differences are taken into account when determining the significance
of any feature. You will find many people with Asian backgrounds have wide-set eyes,
which indicates they are very tolerant.
What does Face Reading have to do with children and their birth parents? With
the discovery of DNA and genetics, science has established that children inherit
their traits from their birth parents. While nurturing can have a tremendous influence
on how traits manifest themselves evertime, the basic blueprint for who we are in
the world comes on the day of conception.
Face reading meticulously examines the features of a
person`s face and connects those physical characteristics with personality traits.
Since adopted children do not inherit their genes from their legal parents, the
chances that the physical traits of these new parents are different from those of
the birth parents are pretty high, especially if the child adopted is from a different
ethnic or racial background.
So what can Face Reading do for adopted children and their parents?
Face Reading opens a window of discovery that allows the child and the parents
to learn about the birth parents from a neutral place. There is no right or wrong
way to have your eyes placed in your head; it is not better or worse to have a sloping
forehead or a more squared forehead; there is no value judgement placed on the distance
between your nose and your chin.
Taking measurements of the face of the child and the adoptive parents offers
the chance to get to know and understand each other in a whole new light. The child
experiences him or herself as being "seen" and "understood", and also feels a sense
of relief in understanding his or her adoptive parents and how to
best communicate and engage with each other. And everyone gets to feel a sense
of connection, a sense of knowing, with the birth family. A child can look at the
high arching curve of his eyebrows and know that his birth mother or father was
dramatic and loved to be "on-stage". A child can learn that her nose turning down
means that her birth father or mother was rather skeptical.
Once the physical traits are linked with personality and birth parents, then
Your family is then armed with a powerful set of tools for encouraging innate
strengths and redirecting inherent challenges that are coded in the child`s genes
(and in the parents` genes as well!).
Imagine the relief in your family when you learn that by simply approaching little
Johnny with a light touch and a 5 minute warning that he will be have to switch
from one task to another you will be able to avoid major power-struggles that have
been plaguing your household.
Imagine teen-age Sarah`s new found empowerment when she discovers the reason
why she has a hard time focusing and getting overwhelmed and distracted. She can
then take steps to change her environment on her own and complete assignments more
efficiently and effectively.
And most of all, visualize the sense of peace and well-being that comes from
being seen and understood for the first time in a way that allows you all to feel
connected and aware of the birth family`s presence in a loving and non-threatening
An adopted child deserves to feel a part of their present family while also feeling
a warm sense of connection with his or her birth family. Face Reading offers the
gift of embracing both sets of parents in a way that is valuable and meaningful
to everyone involved.
We, Emily Bouchard and Naomi Tickle have a goal. The goal is to share this knowledge
with foster and adoptive parents so that they can understand, support, and encourage
We offer lectures and workshops to parents and agencies for adopted and foster
children. These workshops are open to all who are interested in seeking a better
understanding of themselves, family, friends, clients, and coworkers.
Emily Bouchard, MSSW,
is the founder of HeartPath Family Coaching and workshops. She has over eighteen
years of experience in working with children and families dealing with significant
challenges, including: foster care, adoption, emotional disturbance, and physical
illness. She has trained extensively in family therapy and has a Masters Degree
in Social Work and a B.A. in Child Development.
Naomi Tickle is a world-renown face reading expert and certified coach. She has
been using face reading for the past ten years. Her clients include people in career
transition, children with physical disabilities and couples experiencing relationship
challenges. Her lectures, workshops and teleclasses are offered world- wide.
Children articles index
- Brains on Fire: The Multimodality of Gifted Thinkers - By Brock Eide
- laying Baby Computer Games ? The New Parent-Child Tradition? - By Emma
- Book Excerpt: Einstein Never Used Flash Cards - By Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph
- Putting Fun Into Parenting - By David Stoepker, Psy.D., & Erin Brown Con
- Preparing Your Child for a High-Tech Future - By Sue Sato
- Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - Predominantly Inattentive
- Abandonment - By Sonya Green
- Explaining Suicide to Children - by Tracy Pierson
- Our Children`s Needs - by Robert Elias Najemy
- How to Develop Self-Esteem in Children - By J. Bailey Molineux, Ph.D.
- Helping Children Overcome Stress and Fear - By Debbie Milam
- Do you Shout at YOUR children? - By James Middleton
- Book Excerpt: Helping Children with Autism Learn - By Bryna Siegel,
- SPEED SPELLING: Another way to use speed reading skills for "schoolwork&q
- Children and Stress - By Laura Silva Quesada
- Boundaries- Why Are They Needed? - by Derek Randel & Gail Randel M.D.
- Juggling Home
- Explaining World tragedy to Children - By Chick Moorman and Thomas Ha
- Children and Pessimism - By Carol Tuttle
- Loving Yourself, Loving Your Children - By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
- Social Manners for Children - By Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach
- The Sexual Abuse of Children - By J. Bailey Molineux
- A Few Simple Truths About ADHD and Stimulant Drugs - By Steve Edelman1,
- DYSLEXICS and A.D.D. KIDS BECOME GIFTED SPEED READERS - by George Stanc
- Using Feng Shui for Better Behaved Children - By Kathryn Weber
- Book Excerpt: Helping Children with Autism Learn - By Bryna Siegel,
- Five Keys to Raising Nonviolent Children - By Tammy Cox, LMSW
- The Best Way to Reduce Stress: Start Young - By Zach Brull
- Your Child?s Self-Esteem is in The Cards - By Susan Howson
- Calming Tips for Hyperactive Children - By Jeannine Virtue
- What is ADHD? - By Jeannine Virtue
- Talking to Your Children About Sex - By Jan Andersen
- How Our Children Really Learn And Why They Need To Play More And Memo
- HOW DO WE PROTECT OUR CHILDREN FROM PREDATORS? - By Linda J Alexander,
- Teach Children Positive Self-Image Through Fitness - By Lynn Bode
- No Invitation Needed -- Part 3 of 3 Sacred Children Series - By Skye T
- Helping Our Children Feel Good About Themselves - By Dr.Barbara Becker Hol
- Unidentified Stepfamily Zones - Discoveries Made at a Stepfamily Confer
- Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When You`re Staying Married
- Six facts you should know to empower your teaching. - By Emmanuel
- Are You in an Abusive Situation? - by Colin Gabriel Hatcher & Randall
- The Divorce Revolution Has Failed - By J. Bailey Molineux
- Is Your Child Well-Mannered? - By Mary Jesse
- Jesus` Birthday -- Part 2 of 3 Sacred Children Series - By Skye T
- Empty Nesters: What Should You Do Once the Children Leave? - By Mary Guar
- We should celebrate the diversity of children and adults - By Robyn M
- How to Cope with Back to School Stress - By Debbie Mandel
- HIS KIDS: BECOMING A W.O.W. STEPMOTHER - by Julie Donner Andersen
- ADD / ADHD Children : Being Your Child`s Best Friend - By Kate Hufst