Children and Kids articles catalog
 

 

No Invitation Needed -- Part 3 of 3 Sacred Children Series - By Skye Thomas

 

I had my first two children on either side of my twenty-third and twenty-fifth birthdays. I had always assumed that by the time I was forty, I`d have a ton of freedom to finally push forward with my dreams of becoming a motivational writer and speaker. It really looked like that was the way my life was going to go too.

I fell in love with a man when I was in my mid-thirties and he was in his mid-forties. We were very much in love and planning to get married. I actually found myself wishing I could have his baby. I hadn`t felt like that in many years. We were discussing whether or not to have a child together. We both loved the idea, but we were also looking at the reality of our lives, our finances, our circumstances, and especially our ages. Was this really something to even consider so late in the game? Could we say yes to another child? Could we say no?

As it turned out, I got pregnant despite using two forms of birth control before we could even make up our minds if we were going to have a child together or not. We decided that it must be fate that we`d have one more. We agreed that I`d work from home on my writing career while carrying our child. I was nervous about having a baby when I was so involved in my work, but I was also so grateful that the decision had been made by a higher power than me.

I had been talking with guardian angels for many years by that time and felt a spiritual calling to become a writer and to tell the stories that my angels wanted told. I had been told which books to write and was working on an outline for one of them when a little voice whispered to me. It told me to go lay down on the couch and meditate because it had something to tell me. I thought it was one of my angels, so I raced over to the couch to hear what they had to say to me.

The entity told me that he was my unborn child. I saw a vision of a darling two-year-old boy with magical eyes. He looked at me like he had delicious little secrets. He said that he was going to be a boy and that we used to know him as Michael. He then told me what his new name would be. He also assured me that when they ran the tests to check for birth defects, that I`d see that he was going to be strong and healthy. I had nothing to worry about.

After the vision was over, I looked up the name he`d given me in the baby names books. His name is an old Celtic name meaning fiery. That made me laugh aloud. His father and I both have a decent amount of Irish blood in our heritage, and we both have always dreamed of going to Ireland to see the castles. Our very first conversation was about Ireland. Our relationship was very heated and passionate. Of course our son would have a Celtic name meaning fiery! When I told his dad that night, he agreed the name fit perfectly. Who are we not to call him by the name he chose for himself?

About a month later we started having ultrasounds and amniocentesis. At one point they saw something in one of the ultrasounds that made them suspect the baby might have birth defects. We would have to have all kinds of tests to make sure the baby was going to be okay. The tests confirmed that yes, I was having another boy and yes he was perfectly healthy and wonderful. As time went on during the pregnancy, he would come talk to me again and again. He was always reassuring me that everything was going to be okay.

One Sunday morning, my minister was talking to us about Deepak`s Law of Detachment. I heard my son snicker and tell me that today we would be practicing the law of detachment from each other. He would be born that day. Sure enough, late that night as I lay in bed reading, the contractions started and my darling and I detached from each other. He was born with the cord wrapped around his little neck three times and it was a bit unsettling to see my sweetheart as my favorite color of purple. Within moments he was a strong and vibrant charmer.

He`s been a rather high maintenance kind of guy. He is fiery. He is not the kind of guy who waits to be invited into life. He will show up when and where he chooses. You wouldn`t think there was such a huge age difference between him and my older two children. He bosses everyone around as if he were the grand king of the universe. It makes perfect sense that he didn`t allow his parents to choose whether or not he would exist and he wouldn`t even let them choose his name.

He`s turning out to be exactly who he said he was. A week before his second birthday, I noticed that he had the same hair and eyes as that little boy who came to see me in the vision that day. His eyes were all lit up and magical as he smiled at me in a way that made me think he knew a bunch of delicious little secrets. He laughed and said, "blub you" as he threw his arms around my neck. I whispered, "Michael" to see what he`d do, since it`s not his name. He looked me straight in the eyes with an all-knowing look as he repeated it back to me. It was such an odd and eerie moment.

"What secrets do you hold, my angel?"

Copyright 2003, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow`s Edge


Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow?s Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith. She became a writer in 1999 after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth, motivation, soulmates, and parenting. Her books, articles, and astrological forecasts have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit of happiness. To read more of her articles and to sign up to receive her free weekly newsletter, go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net. To download free previews of her books, go to www.SkyeThomas.com.

You can`t divorce your kids - by Bogusia Efstratiou

Have you been divorced in the past, just recently or just about to go ahead with it? Was it your own decision and choice or his/hers against your own wish? Whichever the case, it is possible to divorce your spouse. It may be hurtful, stressful, difficult or even quite relieving but it is possible. If we have children, however, their situation amongst the divorce is a different ball game altogether. We simply cannot sign divorce papers with them, shut the door and start all over again. It is because our relationship with our kids is a lifetime one; it is there simply forever.

Many years ago, before I started practicing, I met someone who told me ? There is damage and there is damage control?. It didn?t mean much to me when I was young but with age and maturity I learnt to appreciate the practical wisdom of this saying.

Of course the divorce will have an impact on the kids, it will change their lives forever but it doesn?t have to be a devastating change. It can be an experience, which while managed with care, may give them the opportunity to grow and become stronger. (Please do not interpret these words as if I am supporting today?s commonality of divorce, no, I do not. In fact, I believe that breaking up the marriage should be our last resource, and many people haven?t explored all their options). All I?m saying is that if we have to divorce, it is better to use the situation for growth rather then destruction.

So what can we do to make our kids? life easier during and after divorce?

First of all, we need to think what is it in the divorce process that is so damaging to our children. What are the needs that stop being met during the process? Depending on the age and number of your children, you are about to witness at least the following:

1. Guilt ? most children believe that they have done something bad for the divorce to happen. They may spend days and nights trying to remember what was the last thing they did before you announced the ?news?.

2. Fear ? they feel that because you don?t love each other anymore you will also stop loving them. What they have just learnt is that we love someone one day and the next day we don?t.

3. Insecurity ? the stability of their home is shaking. There could be plans to move, reduce standard of living, changing schools, loosing friends, etc. While it may be normal for you, for them it may mean a catastrophe. They look at the experiences of their friends whose parents have divorced in the past and assume that all the same ?disasters? will happen to them.

4. Hope ? children will try to remedy the situation by being ?really good? in hope that you get back together. They will try to mend your relationship, plot events to bring you together.

5. Sadness ? mourning for the good times they had with you together. Thinking about the things that will never happen again.

6. Confusion ? children may feel that they will be expected to choose between the two of you, that they must label you ?good? or ?bad?, to decide who?s fault it is. Remember, in children?s world people are only good or bad, no room for grey areas.

All of the above, and any many other feelings that our children go through, must be addressed or they will develop into more serious abnormalities and behaviour problems.

So what can be done?

First of all it must be acknowledged that kids are people too, their have the right to react, to feel, to try to understand, to interpret. And they do that according to their age, knowledge of the world, past experiences. We as parents are there to help that process, as we always used to. When the dog died, you were there, when they fell of the bike, you were there, when Santa didn?t bring what he was supposed to, you were there. When Mum and Dad are getting divorced you need to be there too. Even if you are THAT MUM or THAT DAD. It is your job. It?s hard. You have your own emotions to deal with, maybe more then ever before, you hate your spouse for what they did to you, you would rather never see them again, but it isn?t the kids? fault. Your energy isn?t endless and it?s burning fast. If you don?t want to be caught short you better invest now. The best INVESTMENT is to start looking after the children right from the start.

These simple strategies will make your life easier:

Explain that the two of you are going separate ways now but it has nothing to do with the children. It will affect them but they haven?t caused it. It is not their fault.

Talk to them. ? Be open, don?t lie. Show your own emotions and let them show theirs. Cry together if you have to. Give them the right to feel sad, angry, scared, etc. Say the changes will happen but you will be there to help them, you will do your best as you always did. This hasn?t changed.

Show them your love. ? In a simple way. Trying to compensate for the divorce by spending more money on gifts will only make it worse. It will teach them that emotional needs can be met by money. Spend time with them. It is also very therapeutic for you to spend quality time with kids. They are great teachers in expression, communication and love. Let them do little things for you to show how much they love you.

Keep the discipline going. - Don?t ease up the rules because you feel sorry for them. These will add into insecurity. Keep rules as close to the old ones as possible. It helps them believe that the world is not collapsing completely.

Respect their other parent. ? You have serious issues with him/her. It?s your problem. Do not criticise in front of the kids. If there is not much good to say ? say nothing. Do not lie.

Above all, remember you don?t have to do it all by yourself. If you feel that you are loosing it, ask for help and support. The world cannot run on giving only. Sometimes you must receive. Give help when you can. Ask for it when you need it.



Bogusia Efstratiou is a Professional Counsellor based in Brisbane, Australia. In her private practice she offers support in relation to: life directions and goal setting, grief & bereavement, relationships, marital disharmony, depression, young people`s issues, cross-cultural relationships, domestic violence and sexual abuse. You can access online counselling at www.healty-wealthy-men-women-children.com, or email Bogusia at counselling@healty-wealthy-men-women-children.com

Children articles index