No Invitation Needed -- Part 3 of 3 Sacred Children Series - By Skye Thomas
I had my first two children on either side of my twenty-third and twenty-fifth
birthdays. I had always assumed that by the time I was forty, I`d have a ton of
freedom to finally push forward with my dreams of becoming a motivational writer
and speaker. It really looked like that was the way my life was going to go too.
I fell in love with a man when I was in my mid-thirties and he was in his mid-forties.
We were very much in love and planning to get married. I actually found myself wishing
I could have his baby. I hadn`t felt like that in many years. We were discussing
whether or not to have a child together. We both loved the idea, but we were also
looking at the reality of our lives, our finances, our circumstances, and especially
our ages. Was this really something to even consider so late in the game? Could
we say yes to another child? Could we say no?
As it turned out, I got pregnant despite using two forms of birth control before
we could even make up our minds if we were going to have a child together or not.
We decided that it must be fate that we`d have one more. We agreed that I`d work
from home on my writing career while carrying our child. I was nervous about having
a baby when I was so involved in my work, but I was also so grateful that the decision
had been made by a higher power than me.
I had been talking with guardian angels for many years by that time and felt
a spiritual calling to become a writer and to tell the stories that my angels wanted
told. I had been told which books to write and was working on an outline for one
of them when a little voice whispered to me. It told me to go lay down on the couch
and meditate because it had something to tell me. I thought it was one of my angels,
so I raced over to the couch to hear what they had to say to me.
The entity told me that he was my unborn child. I saw a vision of a darling two-year-old
boy with magical eyes. He looked at me like he had delicious little secrets. He
said that he was going to be a boy and that we used to know him as Michael. He then
told me what his new name would be. He also assured me that when they ran the tests
to check for birth defects, that I`d see that he was going to be strong and healthy.
I had nothing to worry about.
After the vision was over, I looked up the name he`d given me in the baby names
books. His name is an old Celtic name meaning fiery. That made me laugh aloud. His
father and I both have a decent amount of Irish blood in our heritage, and we both
have always dreamed of going to Ireland to see the castles. Our very first conversation
was about Ireland. Our relationship was very heated and passionate. Of course our
son would have a Celtic name meaning fiery! When I told his dad that night, he agreed
the name fit perfectly. Who are we not to call him by the name he chose for himself?
About a month later we started having ultrasounds and amniocentesis. At one point
they saw something in one of the ultrasounds that made them suspect the baby might
have birth defects. We would have to have all kinds of tests to make sure the baby
was going to be okay. The tests confirmed that yes, I was having another boy and
yes he was perfectly healthy and wonderful. As time went on during the pregnancy,
he would come talk to me again and again. He was always reassuring me that everything
was going to be okay.
One Sunday morning, my minister was talking to us about Deepak`s Law of Detachment.
I heard my son snicker and tell me that today we would be practicing the law of
detachment from each other. He would be born that day. Sure enough, late that night
as I lay in bed reading, the contractions started and my darling and I detached
from each other. He was born with the cord wrapped around his little neck three
times and it was a bit unsettling to see my sweetheart as my favorite color of purple.
Within moments he was a strong and vibrant charmer.
He`s been a rather high maintenance kind of guy. He is fiery. He is not the kind
of guy who waits to be invited into life. He will show up when and where he chooses.
You wouldn`t think there was such a huge age difference between him and my older
two children. He bosses everyone around as if he were the grand king of the universe.
It makes perfect sense that he didn`t allow his parents to choose whether or not
he would exist and he wouldn`t even let them choose his name.
He`s turning out to be exactly who he said he was. A week before his second birthday,
I noticed that he had the same hair and eyes as that little boy who came to see
me in the vision that day. His eyes were all lit up and magical as he smiled at
me in a way that made me think he knew a bunch of delicious little secrets. He laughed
and said, "blub you" as he threw his arms around my neck. I whispered, "Michael"
to see what he`d do, since it`s not his name. He looked me straight in the eyes
with an all-knowing look as he repeated it back to me. It was such an odd and eerie
"What secrets do you hold, my angel?"
Copyright 2003, Skye Thomas, Tomorrow`s Edge
Skye Thomas is the CEO of Tomorrow?s
Edge, an Internet leader in inspiring leaps of faith. She became a writer in 1999
after twenty years of studying spirituality, metaphysics, astrology, personal growth,
motivation, soulmates, and parenting. Her books, articles, and astrological forecasts
have inspired people of all ages and faiths to recommit themselves to the pursuit
of happiness. To read more of her articles and to sign up to receive her free weekly
newsletter, go to www.TomorrowsEdge.net.
To download free previews of her books, go to
You can`t divorce your kids - by Bogusia Efstratiou
Have you been divorced in the past, just recently or just about to go ahead
with it? Was it your own decision and choice or his/hers against your own wish?
Whichever the case, it is possible to divorce your spouse. It may be hurtful, stressful,
difficult or even quite relieving but it is possible. If we have children, however,
their situation amongst the divorce is a different ball game altogether. We simply
cannot sign divorce papers with them, shut the door and start all over again. It
is because our relationship with our kids is a lifetime one; it is there simply
Many years ago, before I started practicing, I met someone who told me ? There
is damage and there is damage control?. It didn?t mean much to me when I was young
but with age and maturity I learnt to appreciate the practical wisdom of this saying.
Of course the divorce will have an impact on the kids, it will change their lives
forever but it doesn?t have to be a devastating change. It can be an experience,
which while managed with care, may give them the opportunity to grow and become
stronger. (Please do not interpret these words as if I am supporting today?s commonality
of divorce, no, I do not. In fact, I believe that breaking up the marriage should
be our last resource, and many people haven?t explored all their options). All I?m
saying is that if we have to divorce, it is better to use the situation for growth
rather then destruction.
So what can we do to make our kids? life easier during and after divorce?
First of all, we need to think what is it in the divorce process that is so damaging
to our children. What are the needs that stop being met during the process? Depending
on the age and number of your children, you are about to witness at least the following:
1. Guilt ? most children believe that they have done something bad for the divorce
to happen. They may spend days and nights trying to remember what was the last thing
they did before you announced the ?news?.
2. Fear ? they feel that because you don?t love each other anymore you will also
stop loving them. What they have just learnt is that we love someone one day and
the next day we don?t.
3. Insecurity ? the stability of their home is shaking. There could be plans
to move, reduce standard of living, changing schools, loosing friends, etc. While
it may be normal for you, for them it may mean a catastrophe. They look at the experiences
of their friends whose parents have divorced in the past and assume that all the
same ?disasters? will happen to them.
4. Hope ? children will try to remedy the situation by being ?really good? in
hope that you get back together. They will try to mend your relationship, plot events
to bring you together.
5. Sadness ? mourning for the good times they had with you together. Thinking
about the things that will never happen again.
6. Confusion ? children may feel that they will be expected to choose between
the two of you, that they must label you ?good? or ?bad?, to decide who?s fault
it is. Remember, in children?s world people are only good or bad, no room for grey
All of the above, and any many other feelings that our children go through, must
be addressed or they will develop into more serious abnormalities and behaviour
So what can be done?
First of all it must be acknowledged that kids are people too, their have the
right to react, to feel, to try to understand, to interpret. And they do that according
to their age, knowledge of the world, past experiences. We as parents are there
to help that process, as we always used to. When the dog died, you were there, when
they fell of the bike, you were there, when Santa didn?t bring what he was supposed
to, you were there. When Mum and Dad are getting divorced you need to be there too.
Even if you are THAT MUM or THAT DAD. It is your job. It?s hard. You have your own
emotions to deal with, maybe more then ever before, you hate your spouse for what
they did to you, you would rather never see them again, but it isn?t the kids? fault.
Your energy isn?t endless and it?s burning fast. If you don?t want to be caught
short you better invest now. The best INVESTMENT is to start looking after the children
right from the start.
These simple strategies will make your life easier:
Explain that the two of you are going separate ways now but it has nothing to
do with the children. It will affect them but they haven?t caused it. It is not
Talk to them. ? Be open, don?t lie. Show your own emotions and let them show
theirs. Cry together if you have to. Give them the right to feel sad, angry, scared,
etc. Say the changes will happen but you will be there to help them, you will do
your best as you always did. This hasn?t changed.
Show them your love. ? In a simple way. Trying to compensate for the divorce
by spending more money on gifts will only make it worse. It will teach them that
emotional needs can be met by money. Spend time with them. It is also very therapeutic
for you to spend quality time with kids. They are great teachers in expression,
communication and love. Let them do little things for you to show how much they
Keep the discipline going. - Don?t ease up the rules because you feel sorry for
them. These will add into insecurity. Keep rules as close to the old ones as possible.
It helps them believe that the world is not collapsing completely.
Respect their other parent. ? You have serious issues with him/her. It?s your
problem. Do not criticise in front of the kids. If there is not much good to say
? say nothing. Do not lie.
Above all, remember you don?t have to do it all by yourself. If you feel that
you are loosing it, ask for help and support. The world cannot run on giving only.
Sometimes you must receive. Give help when you can. Ask for it when you need it.
Bogusia Efstratiou is a Professional
Counsellor based in Brisbane, Australia. In her private practice she offers support
in relation to: life directions and goal setting, grief & bereavement, relationships,
marital disharmony, depression, young people`s issues, cross-cultural relationships,
domestic violence and sexual abuse. You can access online counselling at www.healty-wealthy-men-women-children.com,
or email Bogusia at email@example.com
Children articles index
- Brains on Fire: The Multimodality of Gifted Thinkers - By Brock Eide
- laying Baby Computer Games ? The New Parent-Child Tradition? - By Emma
- Book Excerpt: Einstein Never Used Flash Cards - By Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph
- Putting Fun Into Parenting - By David Stoepker, Psy.D., & Erin Brown Con
- Preparing Your Child for a High-Tech Future - By Sue Sato
- Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - Predominantly Inattentive
- Abandonment - By Sonya Green
- Explaining Suicide to Children - by Tracy Pierson
- Our Children`s Needs - by Robert Elias Najemy
- How to Develop Self-Esteem in Children - By J. Bailey Molineux, Ph.D.
- Helping Children Overcome Stress and Fear - By Debbie Milam
- Do you Shout at YOUR children? - By James Middleton
- Book Excerpt: Helping Children with Autism Learn - By Bryna Siegel,
- SPEED SPELLING: Another way to use speed reading skills for "schoolwork&q
- Children and Stress - By Laura Silva Quesada
- Boundaries- Why Are They Needed? - by Derek Randel & Gail Randel M.D.
- Juggling Home
- Explaining World tragedy to Children - By Chick Moorman and Thomas Ha
- Children and Pessimism - By Carol Tuttle
- Loving Yourself, Loving Your Children - By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
- Social Manners for Children - By Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach
- The Sexual Abuse of Children - By J. Bailey Molineux
- A Few Simple Truths About ADHD and Stimulant Drugs - By Steve Edelman1,
- DYSLEXICS and A.D.D. KIDS BECOME GIFTED SPEED READERS - by George Stanc
- Using Feng Shui for Better Behaved Children - By Kathryn Weber
- Book Excerpt: Helping Children with Autism Learn - By Bryna Siegel,
- Five Keys to Raising Nonviolent Children - By Tammy Cox, LMSW
- The Best Way to Reduce Stress: Start Young - By Zach Brull
- Your Child?s Self-Esteem is in The Cards - By Susan Howson
- Calming Tips for Hyperactive Children - By Jeannine Virtue
- What is ADHD? - By Jeannine Virtue
- Talking to Your Children About Sex - By Jan Andersen
- How Our Children Really Learn And Why They Need To Play More And Memo
- HOW DO WE PROTECT OUR CHILDREN FROM PREDATORS? - By Linda J Alexander,
- Teach Children Positive Self-Image Through Fitness - By Lynn Bode
- No Invitation Needed -- Part 3 of 3 Sacred Children Series - By Skye T
- Helping Our Children Feel Good About Themselves - By Dr.Barbara Becker Hol
- Unidentified Stepfamily Zones - Discoveries Made at a Stepfamily Confer
- Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When You`re Staying Married
- Six facts you should know to empower your teaching. - By Emmanuel
- Are You in an Abusive Situation? - by Colin Gabriel Hatcher & Randall
- The Divorce Revolution Has Failed - By J. Bailey Molineux
- Is Your Child Well-Mannered? - By Mary Jesse
- Jesus` Birthday -- Part 2 of 3 Sacred Children Series - By Skye T
- Empty Nesters: What Should You Do Once the Children Leave? - By Mary Guar
- We should celebrate the diversity of children and adults - By Robyn M
- How to Cope with Back to School Stress - By Debbie Mandel
- HIS KIDS: BECOMING A W.O.W. STEPMOTHER - by Julie Donner Andersen
- ADD / ADHD Children : Being Your Child`s Best Friend - By Kate Hufst