Children and Pessimism - By Carol Tuttle
Children need emotional validation. If their negative feelings about what is happening
in their lives are not validated, they may continue focusing on the negative until
they are validated. Children can become pessimistic if they do not feel they are
being emotionally heard and validated.
As the parent of four children, I have learned to not skip the important step
of emotionally acknowledging my children. Before I realized how important this was,
I was eager to try and quickly change their negative feelings and views of their
life into positives.
Once you have validated your child?s negative feelings, you can give your child
a choice: to continue to perceive his/her situation as negative, or to choose to
change it to a positive. The first choice teaches our children to be victims in
a world of random events they are powerless to control. The second choice teaches
them they have the power to change anything for the better.
Recently my daughter came to me expressing her negative feelings about a friend?s
treatment towards her. I could have quickly dismissed her feelings and encouraged
her to not let it bother her, or joined her by saying, ?That is terrible! She is
I did neither. Instead the conversation went something like this:
Mom: ?That is unfortunate, Anne. You must feel really sad about the way she treated
Anne: ?I do. I don?t like it when she treats me that way.?
Mom: ?I understand. Nobody likes to be treated that way. You deserve to have
your friends love and respect you. When you are ready to clear these negative feelings,
and would like my help, let me know. Or, you can continue feeling bad. But remember,
whatever you focus on in life, you will have more of it show up as your experience.?
Anne: ?I want to clear these bad feelings right now and create a positive friendship
At this point I took Anne through a process called ?Emotional Freedom Technique?
(see attached) which is designed to clear negative feelings and stressful energies
that keep us from progressing.
I have taught my children that the law of attraction, or the law of the harvest
(which is that whatever we put out returns to us multiplied) is in constant operation
in their lives. If they put out negative thoughts and feelings, they will have more
negative experiences show up in their lives. If they put out positive thoughts and
feelings, they will have more positive experiences show up in their lives.
Anne understands this universal principle and was eager to clear the negative
thoughts and feelings and change them into positives. It was important that her
negative feelings were acknowledged and validated first.
Most adults in our world were not emotionally validated. They were emotionally
shut down or ignored. As parents we can do a much better job of validating our children?s
emotional response to their lives? events?free of any judgment. Once validated,
those negative thoughts and feelings can be easily released and positive thoughts
and feelings can be created.
After Anne cleared her negatives, she decided what she wanted to create was a
fun-loving, kinder relationship with her friend. She helped put this into motion
in her life by speaking what she wanted in positive ?I am? statements such as this:
I am experiencing all my friends respecting me and being kind to me.
I am respectful and kind to all my friends.
We have fun together and support each other.
Things always work out the best for me.
I am grateful for the love and support of my good friends.
After Anne?s energy-clearing session, she called her friend and easily made amends.
Her friend was apologetic, they laughed and started planning their next activity.
What Anne had asked for in her affirmations had already begun to show up for her.
Children model their parent?s perception and language about the world. If Mom
and Dad are pessimistic, the children often are too. If Mom and Dad are optimists
who are willing to validate their child?s negative emotional responses to a situation
and then help them change that, they play a powerful role in teaching their children
they can have lives that are positive with many successes to look forward to.
Carol Tuttle is the author of the
best-selling book, Remembering Wholeness: A Personal Handbook for Thriving in the
21st Century. www.caroltuttle.com. Her
?Best of Carol Tuttle Live? CD series will ?rock your world? by helping you with
money, sex, love, healing, relationships, health and weightloss.
Dyslexia and/or ADD equal Speed Reading Giftedness - by George Stancliffe
Almost two years ago, a lady who had signed up for one of my speed reading
courses showed up early on the first day of class to privately inform me that she
had a reading disability, so that I wouldn`t be too frustrated at the poor performance
that she was expecting in the class. I gave her some words of encouragement and
told her that she might do better than she thought she would. I`m glad I encouraged
her. She ended the course reading 18,000 words per minute. While it`s not uncommon
for children to attain such reading speeds, I`ve only had one adult student in my
life who could go faster.
Last night I just finished talking to my friend, Troy, who teaches school (in
fact, the charter school that he taught at for the past two years has 50% of the
students DIAGNOSED with Attention Deficit Disorder [ADD]). He and I have the same
hobby: We teach children to speed read. It was nice to find out that Troy has noticed
the same pattern that I have noticed in our speed reading students: Some "learning
disabled" people are EXTREMELY gifted when it comes to speed reading.
Specifically, the children who have ADD and Dyslexia tend to catch on to speed
reading better than most other children, based on what I have seen in my speed reading
classes. Recently, new evidence had come forward that verifies what Troy and I have
discovered on our own.
In 1997 Jeffrey Freed, M.A.T.; published his book RIGHT-BRAINED CHILDREN IN A
LEFT-BRAINED WORLD, in which he explains, among other things, that kids with ADD
and Dyslexia are usually gifted when it comes to speed reading. This is because
normal reading and speed reading are each processed in completely different parts
of the brain.
Normal reading takes place in the Left half of the brain. But speed reading is
processed in the Right half of the brain.
Since children with ADD and Dyslexia are universally right-brain dominant, it
makes sense that they would have an easier time of learning to speed read than to
"normal read". ADD and Dyslexia are not really "disorders." They are just different
ways of processing the same information. The "solution" to these conditions is not
the traditional therapy, but rather a different APPROACH to learning altogether.
Although I am not an expert in the field of education, I agree with Mr. Freed,
based on my experience as a speed reading instructor. As I recall my star students,
most of them had the symptoms of being right-brain dominant. Also, as I recall those
who had the most difficulty, usually adult students who struggled, they, in contrast,
displayed the symptoms of left-brain dominance. Of course, Troy indicated that all
those ADD students at his school were universally his best speed readers also.
If you have a child who may have either ADD or Dyslexia, and you want him/her
to be a better reader, one of the best things that you could do is to teach him/her
to speed read.
It`s all pretty easy, really. There are two articles that have recently been
published on the subject of how to teah your children to speed read. You can do
it successfully even if you don`t know how to speed read yourself. One article is
found on this website under the subject of "speed reading." The other
one recently came out in the Sept-Oct 1999 issue of Backwoods Home Magazine, pages
42-47. The Backwoods article may also be found on the backwoodshome.com website
after Oct 1999, as they often post articles from previous issues on their website.
The Backwoods article can be used for children of any age from 8 on up, while
the selfgrowth.com article is geared for intelligent children aged 8-12.
If you would like to have the most complete information available, there is currently
only one manual out on the subject, SPEED READING 4 KIDS. It has been successfully
used in the classroom and at home for teaching ADD and Dyslexic children, as well
as "normal" children, to speed read, (even some children who were so poor at normal
reading that they were considered non-readers). Though it is recommended for children
who have attained 3rd grade reading level before beginning the program, it wouldn`t
hurt to give it a try if you have no other alternatives for your child.
It is available from speedreading4kids.com.
George Stancliffe lives near Yakima,
WA, and is the author of the manual SPEED READING 4 KIDS. In 1997 he formed The
American Speed Reading Project, with the goal of making speed reading a universally
learned skill for all children by the age of 12.
He conducts special workshops
and teaches speed reading courses from coast to coast.
He can be contacted at his e-mail address: firstname.lastname@example.org
Children articles index
- Brains on Fire: The Multimodality of Gifted Thinkers - By Brock Eide
- laying Baby Computer Games ? The New Parent-Child Tradition? - By Emma
- Book Excerpt: Einstein Never Used Flash Cards - By Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph
- Putting Fun Into Parenting - By David Stoepker, Psy.D., & Erin Brown Con
- Preparing Your Child for a High-Tech Future - By Sue Sato
- Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - Predominantly Inattentive
- Abandonment - By Sonya Green
- Explaining Suicide to Children - by Tracy Pierson
- Our Children`s Needs - by Robert Elias Najemy
- How to Develop Self-Esteem in Children - By J. Bailey Molineux, Ph.D.
- Helping Children Overcome Stress and Fear - By Debbie Milam
- Do you Shout at YOUR children? - By James Middleton
- Book Excerpt: Helping Children with Autism Learn - By Bryna Siegel,
- SPEED SPELLING: Another way to use speed reading skills for "schoolwork&q
- Children and Stress - By Laura Silva Quesada
- Boundaries- Why Are They Needed? - by Derek Randel & Gail Randel M.D.
- Juggling Home
- Explaining World tragedy to Children - By Chick Moorman and Thomas Ha
- Children and Pessimism - By Carol Tuttle
- Loving Yourself, Loving Your Children - By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
- Social Manners for Children - By Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach
- The Sexual Abuse of Children - By J. Bailey Molineux
- A Few Simple Truths About ADHD and Stimulant Drugs - By Steve Edelman1,
- DYSLEXICS and A.D.D. KIDS BECOME GIFTED SPEED READERS - by George Stanc
- Using Feng Shui for Better Behaved Children - By Kathryn Weber
- Book Excerpt: Helping Children with Autism Learn - By Bryna Siegel,
- Five Keys to Raising Nonviolent Children - By Tammy Cox, LMSW
- The Best Way to Reduce Stress: Start Young - By Zach Brull
- Your Child?s Self-Esteem is in The Cards - By Susan Howson
- Calming Tips for Hyperactive Children - By Jeannine Virtue
- What is ADHD? - By Jeannine Virtue
- Talking to Your Children About Sex - By Jan Andersen
- How Our Children Really Learn And Why They Need To Play More And Memo
- HOW DO WE PROTECT OUR CHILDREN FROM PREDATORS? - By Linda J Alexander,
- Teach Children Positive Self-Image Through Fitness - By Lynn Bode
- No Invitation Needed -- Part 3 of 3 Sacred Children Series - By Skye T
- Helping Our Children Feel Good About Themselves - By Dr.Barbara Becker Hol
- Unidentified Stepfamily Zones - Discoveries Made at a Stepfamily Confer
- Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When You`re Staying Married
- Six facts you should know to empower your teaching. - By Emmanuel
- Are You in an Abusive Situation? - by Colin Gabriel Hatcher & Randall
- The Divorce Revolution Has Failed - By J. Bailey Molineux
- Is Your Child Well-Mannered? - By Mary Jesse
- Jesus` Birthday -- Part 2 of 3 Sacred Children Series - By Skye T
- Empty Nesters: What Should You Do Once the Children Leave? - By Mary Guar
- We should celebrate the diversity of children and adults - By Robyn M
- How to Cope with Back to School Stress - By Debbie Mandel
- HIS KIDS: BECOMING A W.O.W. STEPMOTHER - by Julie Donner Andersen
- ADD / ADHD Children : Being Your Child`s Best Friend - By Kate Hufst