Do you Shout at YOUR children? - By James Middleton
(c) Copyright 2004 by James Middleton
I bet you can`t tell me that you have never shouted at your kids in frustration.
If this is you, then you need to learn to relax.
My friend?s wife is a classic example of this problem. She tries to cook the
dinner, do the washing, and empty out the trash all at the same time.
You know the scenario, the kids are running around under your feet, and before
you know it - the shouting starts ;-)
"Get out of here", "Stop bothering me", "will you just shut up for one minute"
and so on.
Soon the tears start, and all little Johnny wanted to do was join in chopping
the onions or washing the lettuce.
Poor old Johnny runs off to Dad for comfort, and he can`t understand what he`s
Stress affects us all.
How it shows itself varies from individual to individual.
Relaxation DOES make a difference. As little as 10 minutes every day, can stop
you shouting at your children.
If you don`t believe me, ask your friends who attend a yoga class each week,
or who use hypnosis or relaxation tapes on a regular basis.
They do this because it works!
You don`t have to learn yoga to benefit from learning to relax.
Extremely simple techniques will work just as well as Yoga or going for massage
Here`s a tip;
Next time you find yourself about to scream at the kids, just stop, and ask yourself
why you wanted children?
Then, count to ten, and take in a deep breath. As you breathe out, count down
from 10 to one slowly and surely.
I guarantee you will feel better, and you will have interrupted the pattern which
causes you to shout at the kids.
You can use this strategy at anytime you think you are about to explode.
Once you have practiced it a few times, you learn how it can become a happier,
This strategy only works if you USE it!
You need to practice, when you are not too wound up, if you try and use it when
you are at your boiling point - then it`s too late.
So take the time to use it when you feel just a little stressed, and not at that
terrible boiling point I just spoke about.
If you need to do it 20 times a day to get the hang of it, then that`s fine too.
Soon you will find it turns into a natural habit. And you end up not even thinking
Those deep breaths just happen on their own ;-)
So there`s a tip you can use, it`s simple, easy and as long as you remember to
do it - before you reach boiling point - it works. Every time!
You need to remember to practice on a daily basis.
Only when it becomes a part of your neurology will it really do it`s stuff.
Adopting a casual approach, and doing it just now and then won`t work.
It needs to be every time to start with.
Take a little time to learn the stop and count technique, and it will pay you
dividends in happier, more peaceful children.
Here`s another tip.
Wear an elastic band on your wrist.
When you start to shout, or it`s building inside you, just snap the band on your
wrist - and say to yourself - "Every day I really am a calmer person."
Again this is a simple pattern interrupt.
The elastic band snap starts the process, the affirmation simply helps implant
a more useful helpful thought. This helpful thought will grow of it`s own accord
the more you use it.
Once you have done this for a week or two, and diligently applied yourself to
practicing it, I guarantee you will be more calm and focused around your children.
So here`s another tip.
If you have the time, you can get yourself a good relaxation tape or hypnosis
Take some time two or three times each week to play the CD for 20 or 30 minutes,
and just switch off.
It`s well known that both relaxation and hypnosis tapes are an extremely effective
way to release stress and unwind.
They have been used with great success for hundreds of thousands of people all
around the world.
If you haven?t tried one yet, or you have an old dusty one in a cupboard, get
it out, and promise to yourself you will play it three times this week.
Once you have done this for a week or two, you too will realize the fabulous
benefits relaxation will give you.
If you prefer a more independent approach, you can also learn to meditate, it`s
really not so difficult.
10 or 20 minutes every other day will work wonders for stress release.
Meditation has been around for centuries, but it has been turned into something
a bit mysterious and religious.
There is no mystery, and you don`t need religion.
It`s just a simple process that anyone can learn, and is probably one of the
most effective strategies for lasting stress relief.
The other thing that makes it so effective and powerful is that it is personal
You are in charge, and you are in control.
So to summarize, count to 10 breathe in, count down from 10 to 1 and breathe
Try the elastic band tip, snap yourself out of it, for a week or two.
Give a relaxation tape or hypnosis tape another go.
And if you are really serious about handling stress - learn to meditate. It has
been around for centuries, and costs you nothing but a little time and effort.
It really is worth it ;-)
After all who wants to shout at their kids?
These ideas and strategies really aren`t that difficult to learn, after all,
I have taught self hypnosis and meditation to hundreds of students from all walks
Isn`t it time you learned to relax too?
Find a relaxation class, or meditation class locally, I think it really is time
you found out more, don`t you?
Hypnotherapist and Meditator
I am a Hypnotherapist and Meditator
of over 16 years experience. Certificated in Hypnotherapy. NLP Practitioner. Qualified
Occupational Therapist in mental health. Ericsonian tasking specialist. Skydiving
coach. Reiki Master. Stress consultant. Provocative therapy specialist. I am a licenced
Hypnotherapist of over 16 years and a qualified NLP Practitioner. I see clients
for stress related problems, anxiety, fears and phobias, depression, addictions
Make Role Modeling a Hobby - By Michael G. Rayel, MD
Like in most families, children are around you everyday. Whatever you show
to your children is what you teach and impart to them regardless of your intentions.
In the eyes of your children, you are a teacher. Everyday you are teaching ?live?
? whether you like it or not. You?re like a walking lecture in your child?s life.
What are you willing to show to your child? What are you going to teach your
child through you? Do you want to be credible?
The Best Way to Teach is to Model What You Preach
Parenting articles and books tell us that we should be role models for our kids.
However, finding a reliable source on how we can become one is a challenge. Being
a role model is not an easy task. It requires determination, self-control, self-
reflection, and discipline.
One of the best ways to become a role model is to simply practice what you preach.
Obviously, you can?t tell your child not to smoke or drink when you smoke a pack
a day or you have several drinks before going to bed. Likewise, you appear phoney
to your kids if you advise not to use foul language when you criticize or verbally
abuse your spouse at the dinner table.
Your Teachings Should be Followed by Action
?Talk is cheap,? as the saying goes. Your advice is of most value to your children
if you back your pronouncements with action. I know a father who preaches to his
children not to punch back if they are hurt by a playmate but the same father never
hesitates to grab his kitchen knife every time his neighbour in the same apartment
building makes a noise.
Show your children the behaviour that you want them to show to others. Talk the
way you want them to talk to others.
If you want your child to practice self-control, then you have to show self-control
yourself. If you expect household rules to be followed, then don?t violate these
Don?t Preach Anything that You are Willing to Violate
Don?t make a household rule that you can?t follow. Never make a rule that you
intend to break if no one is watching. A rule is only effective if it is consistent
and properly implemented.
A rule is designed to establish order and harmony in the household. If you constantly
break household rules, you are probably better off not having them. Try to be realistic.
Make a rule that is reasonable and that everyone, including yourself, can easily
Don?t Create Rules that You Intend to Break If They are Inconvenient
Don?t make a rule that you plan to violate regularly at your convenience. A rule
is created to serve as a guideline regardless of whether it?s convenient or not.
However, don?t be totally inflexible. As you now, there are exceptions to the rules.
Occasionally, you have to be flexible to accommodate these exceptions. For instance,
I have a rule that food should not be brought into the bedroom. However, when one
of my children is sick, then this rule does not apply. I?m not saying that we should
be flexible all the time. In essence, there should be a compelling reason to break
Make Role Modeling as Your Passion
Make role modeling as your interest and passion. Enjoy doing it. Practice and
master it. Observe how you speak and behave in front of your family. Make sure that
the behaviour you show is the same behaviour you want your kids to learn and that
your speech should reflect what you want to hear from them.
You can?t preach that they should be happy and enjoy life when you?re grouchy
all the time. You can?t teach your children good moral values if you?re making a
plan on how to cheat your neighbour ? in front of your children?s watchful eyes.
In the eyes of your children, you are a hero. They love to hear you and watch
you. They love to be around you. They even love to be like you.
So watch out. Your speech and behaviour becomes your child. Commend yourself
if your children turn out to be good people. But don?t blame anyone if they show
inappropriate behaviour. Remember ? they are just trying to imitate you.
Copyright ? 2004. Dr. Michael G.
Rayel ? author (First Aid to Mental Illness?Finalist, Reader?s Preference Choice
Award 2002) psychiatrist, and inventor of Oikos Game: A Personal Development and
Emotional Skills Game. For more information, please visit
Children articles index
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- Book Excerpt: Einstein Never Used Flash Cards - By Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Ph
- Putting Fun Into Parenting - By David Stoepker, Psy.D., & Erin Brown Con
- Preparing Your Child for a High-Tech Future - By Sue Sato
- Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - Predominantly Inattentive
- Abandonment - By Sonya Green
- Explaining Suicide to Children - by Tracy Pierson
- Our Children`s Needs - by Robert Elias Najemy
- How to Develop Self-Esteem in Children - By J. Bailey Molineux, Ph.D.
- Helping Children Overcome Stress and Fear - By Debbie Milam
- Do you Shout at YOUR children? - By James Middleton
- Book Excerpt: Helping Children with Autism Learn - By Bryna Siegel,
- SPEED SPELLING: Another way to use speed reading skills for "schoolwork&q
- Children and Stress - By Laura Silva Quesada
- Boundaries- Why Are They Needed? - by Derek Randel & Gail Randel M.D.
- Juggling Home
- Explaining World tragedy to Children - By Chick Moorman and Thomas Ha
- Children and Pessimism - By Carol Tuttle
- Loving Yourself, Loving Your Children - By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
- Social Manners for Children - By Susan Dunn, The EQ Coach
- The Sexual Abuse of Children - By J. Bailey Molineux
- A Few Simple Truths About ADHD and Stimulant Drugs - By Steve Edelman1,
- DYSLEXICS and A.D.D. KIDS BECOME GIFTED SPEED READERS - by George Stanc
- Using Feng Shui for Better Behaved Children - By Kathryn Weber
- Book Excerpt: Helping Children with Autism Learn - By Bryna Siegel,
- Five Keys to Raising Nonviolent Children - By Tammy Cox, LMSW
- The Best Way to Reduce Stress: Start Young - By Zach Brull
- Your Child?s Self-Esteem is in The Cards - By Susan Howson
- Calming Tips for Hyperactive Children - By Jeannine Virtue
- What is ADHD? - By Jeannine Virtue
- Talking to Your Children About Sex - By Jan Andersen
- How Our Children Really Learn And Why They Need To Play More And Memo
- HOW DO WE PROTECT OUR CHILDREN FROM PREDATORS? - By Linda J Alexander,
- Teach Children Positive Self-Image Through Fitness - By Lynn Bode
- No Invitation Needed -- Part 3 of 3 Sacred Children Series - By Skye T
- Helping Our Children Feel Good About Themselves - By Dr.Barbara Becker Hol
- Unidentified Stepfamily Zones - Discoveries Made at a Stepfamily Confer
- Divorce and Children: Things To Consider When You`re Staying Married
- Six facts you should know to empower your teaching. - By Emmanuel
- Are You in an Abusive Situation? - by Colin Gabriel Hatcher & Randall
- The Divorce Revolution Has Failed - By J. Bailey Molineux
- Is Your Child Well-Mannered? - By Mary Jesse
- Jesus` Birthday -- Part 2 of 3 Sacred Children Series - By Skye T
- Empty Nesters: What Should You Do Once the Children Leave? - By Mary Guar
- We should celebrate the diversity of children and adults - By Robyn M
- How to Cope with Back to School Stress - By Debbie Mandel
- HIS KIDS: BECOMING A W.O.W. STEPMOTHER - by Julie Donner Andersen
- ADD / ADHD Children : Being Your Child`s Best Friend - By Kate Hufst